Ministers' Wounds

I often say serving as a pastor is like playing quarterback. When things go well you get far more credit than you deserve. When things go poorly you get far more blame. In one week last month I received two pieces of feedback. For one anonymous letter writer I could do no right. My preaching was devoid of intellectual content. My comments about using story-telling in my preaching—as Jesus did—meant I think I'm just as good at it as he. I am too brusque. I pick lousy hymns. I express conflicting feelings that one person cannot have at one time without serious mental illness.

Truly. And that's not all the letter contained.

On the other hand I received a lovely (signed) card from a member. Of my preaching she wrote, “I never fail to attend to every word—you make it so inviting—and I learn something every Sunday.” She went on to say that my writing style reminded her of Ernie Pyle and my speaking of the comedian Tom Bodett. Honestly, I still tingle a little every time I read that. I also feel a bit awkward, as I know she has exaggerated on both accounts.

I have made enough laps around the ministry track to know that my critic is a classic case of psychological projection. He or she is desperately unhappy and unconsciously has thrown all of that on me. I truly wish he or she had signed so I could reach out but again, I know enough to realize that was not what this person wanted. They just wanted to spew.

Over the years I have occasionally run into broken people hard enough that we both get hurt. I carry my scars. Thank God I have an endlessly supportive wife and have served mostly healthy churches with people whose love has healed me. Or perhaps I should say the love of God has healed us through each other.

But I know so many hurting pastors. Their wounds are deep; they feel betrayed, conned, isolated, and above all, angry. Well, “angry” does not do their feelings justice. They feel enraged. My heart goes out to them. One of my best friends in seminary, a funny, faithful guy who could have done many other things with his life, wondered until recently if accepting the call to ministry was not the biggest mistake of his life. Listening to his tense, raw voice say this on the phone made me cry.

But then he found a healthy church that loves him and his wife. He has come almost all the way back to his old, wonderful self. I praise God for that and draw this lesson from his experience (and mine):

Find a healthy church and dive into it. If you're in an unhealthy church, or no church at all, find a healthy church and dive into it. You will not regret it. God will bless you. God will bless others through you. What are you waiting for?