I often say serving as a pastor is like
playing quarterback. When things go well you get far more credit
than you deserve. When things go poorly you get far more blame. In
one week last month I received two pieces of feedback. For one
anonymous letter writer I could do no right. My preaching was devoid
of intellectual content. My comments about using story-telling in my
preaching—as Jesus did—meant I think I'm just as good at it as
he. I am too brusque. I pick lousy hymns. I express conflicting
feelings that one person cannot have at one time without serious
mental illness.
Truly. And that's not all the letter
contained.
On the other hand I received a lovely
(signed) card from a member. Of my preaching she wrote, “I never
fail to attend to every word—you make it so inviting—and I learn
something every Sunday.” She went on to say that my writing style
reminded her of Ernie Pyle and my speaking of the comedian Tom
Bodett. Honestly, I still tingle a little every time I read that. I
also feel a bit awkward, as I know she has exaggerated on both
accounts.
I have made enough laps around the
ministry track to know that my critic is a classic case of
psychological projection. He or she is desperately unhappy and
unconsciously has thrown all of that on me. I truly wish he or she
had signed so I could reach out but again, I know enough to realize
that was not what this person wanted. They just wanted to spew.
Over the years I have occasionally run
into broken people hard enough that we both get hurt. I carry my
scars. Thank God I have an endlessly supportive wife and have served
mostly healthy churches with people whose love has healed me. Or
perhaps I should say the love of God has healed us through each
other.
But I know so many hurting pastors.
Their wounds are deep; they feel betrayed, conned, isolated, and
above all, angry. Well, “angry” does not do their feelings
justice. They feel enraged. My heart goes out to them. One of my
best friends in seminary, a funny, faithful guy who could have done
many other things with his life, wondered until recently if accepting
the call to ministry was not the biggest mistake of his life.
Listening to his tense, raw voice say this on the phone made me cry.
But then he found a healthy church that
loves him and his wife. He has come almost all the way back to his
old, wonderful self. I praise God for that and draw this lesson from
his experience (and mine):
Find a healthy church and dive into it.
If you're in an unhealthy church, or no church at all, find a
healthy church and dive into it. You will not regret it. God will
bless you. God will bless others through you. What are you waiting
for?
