A probably doomed voyage into the dress code storms

Allow me to stipulate a few facts.

1. I am not, and never have been, a girl. Nobody has ever asked me to cover my bra strap.
2. That does not mean I am not allowed to have opinions about issues that impact women. “You're a white male. You have no right to talk about these things,” is precisely the kind of discrimination people who make such statements say they abhor.
3. I have tremendous respect for Barb, and her twin daughters Rachel and Hannah. Though I sometimes disagree with them I listen to their ideas. They make me think.

First, I despised dress codes when I was a teen. Teens should despise dress codes—and all seemingly arbitrary rules that restrict their freedom of expression. Yet adults should still make those rules—and amend them when wisdom requires it.

After circling the sun more than fifty times, and volunteering in a high school for more than a dozen of those years, I can state unequivocally that we must have dress codes. Female and male, some youth will always push the limits. If the code softens, many of these testers will push even farther. They look not to set a more reasonable code, but to cause turmoil and/or to get noticed. Unless we have a reasonable dress code fairly enforced, chaos will eventually ensue. Every time. Every time.

Yes, unfair and stupid enforcements of dress codes happen. And yes, those enforcements have always come down far more commonly on females. This is wrong and should stop. But the remedy does not lie in stopping all enforcement (see above paragraph). The remedy lies in holding authority figures accountable for their decisions.

If we're going to expect fifteen year-old girls and boys to make proper wardrobe decisions, then we must demand greater probity from their elders. They must enforce the dress code fairly.

Barb and others on Facebook have raised the related issue of how different body types get different treatment. The cute top that a skinny girl can get away with wearing gets (as Barb puts it) a more curvy girl in trouble. This, too, seems unfair but this, too, seems to have a solution. Enforce the code on the skinny girl, too. And boy.

We all have a responsibility to the larger community. This means dressing modestly. It means enforcing dress codes with wisdom and tact. It means holding males to the same standards as females.

It does not mean that any attempt to make a girl dress more modestly is slut shaming. It does not mean that males of any age have the “right” to make lewd comments or even touch women who dress in ways that catch their attention.

We all have a responsibility to the larger community. As a husband, father of a young woman and a young man, and pastor my responsibilities include showing respect to women of all ages. I also feel the need to stand up for time-tested principles.

What are your responsibilities?