Squirrels

For the past few years red squirrels have broken into our home.  At first they chewed holes through the cedar soffits.  I repaired the holes with plywood, through which they have not (yet) chewed.  They seemed to have favorite spots.  Once I repaired all of those, they stopped invading our space.

For a while.  This year they came back with a vengeance.  We would hear one, then another, then another scratching inside the walls in a corner of our family room.  They always ended up there.  They could have gotten into the house but our two cats were just vigilant enough to keep the squirrels from venturing out into the open.  And by "vigilant" I mean the cats would lie down within a couple of feet of the spot.  Though the squirrels could not know this, we doubted the cats would stir themselves to chase them if they tried to make a break for it.

But how were those stupid squirrels getting inside?  I carefully inspected the exterior of our house, all the way around, high and low.  I know it takes a hole no bigger than a quarter in diameter, but we had nothing even that small.  Finally, Linda said, "If they always end up in that one place, they must be getting in right there.  I bet it's the dryer vent."

It was the dryer vent.  We've lived here sixteen years.  I had never cleaned it.  It had lint, solidified like concrete, backed up inside.  It has a flap that should close when the dryer is not forcing air through it.  I imagine that flap had not closed for years.  Now I have cleaned it, and we have not heard that dreaded scratching inside the wall for over a week.  Knock wood, say a prayer, throw salt over your shoulder, do whatever you do to wish us continued success.

I love all animals except snakes.  I have skidded over them, leaving black tire tracks on their evil spines without regret.  But I honestly love those squirrels.  They're cute.  They're fun to watch.  OUTSIDE.  So I trapped them one by one.  I put a cookie sheet on the floor.  I taped my heaviest Bible to the back of a plastic cake container and propped it up on one end on top of the cookie sheet.  The prop was a short dowel to which I tied string.  I baited the trap with peanuts and honey and with two exceptions I got them within ten minutes.  One exceptional squirrel, perhaps a repeat offender who had actually learned from his prior entrapment, was exceedingly cautious.  He took half an hour.  The other exceptional squirrel panicked and ran straight out into the room when I pulled the trap a half-second too soon.  Fortunately, I had sequestered the cats in the basement.  As that squirrel ran around our house I opened the front door.  When he got close enough I threw a book at him.  He fled outside.  Believe it or not, I heard him scratching to get back in a few minutes later.  I drove each trapped squirrel at least half a mile away and released it into the woods. 

This is what passes for excitement in our empty nest.